On Personal Development in a Pandemic

By Annie Mark-Westfall — LETTERS FROM BERLIN

Before the Covid-19 lockdown, I was the spouse who loaded the dishwasher correctly.

While some people believe there is more than one right way to load a dishwasher, they are wrong. There is a correct way. Read the manual, it will tell you.

My family is doing the self-isolation thing here in Berlin. The detail of Berlin doesn’t feel particularly relevant. I take this city for granted as home now; and further, being largely stuck at home, it feels as though these four walls could be anywhere. Time and space have flattened during lockdown.

This makes me think of the final weeks of pregnancy. Particularly my first pregnancy, when I was waiting for it to end, so life could return back to normal. I remember realizing one day that, of course, there would be no return to “normal.” So too, with Covid-19, people love to say that life will never be the same. I find myself unable to imagine the permanent changes coming.

For now, I am trying to fit full-time parenting, full-time work, a marriage, and a sense of self into each day. Like when I continued shoving my pregnant body into my normal jeans well into the ninth month. It all fits, but only just barely. The seams are stressed but holding.