On the Radical Act of Retiring

By Tim Clark — HEAD ABOVE WATER

This is in honor of my sometime friend, sometime nemesis and longtime co-worker, Diana, who made her exit, stage left, and started her sequel ahead of me. Well played, Diana well played.

I’ve planned on how to quit my job ever since I had a job. It would take exquisite timing. I would have to find a new job, and be ready to turn in my notice at my old job, when, before I had the chance, through an astonishing stroke of good fortune one, of my many bosses would say something that really set me off.

“Fine, I quit,” I would say with pride as I walked out, maybe singing “Good bye to you,” by Scandal or “Empty Lives,” by Graham Parker, or, and I can’t really explain this one, “Land of a Thousand Dance,” by Wilson Pickett. I know it doesn’t make any sense. It might have something to do with the way he says, “Need somebody to help me say it one time.” Besides, it’s a fantasy and the rules of logic don’t apply in such a drab, uniform fashion.

It didn’t really matter, though, which soundtrack played, (and I would be way too embarrassed to actually sing, anyway) it was the theatrics, the panache, the ultimate act of non-violent defiance. With a casual wave and artistic indifference I would reach escape velocity and zoom off to a new world leaving the sad little former coworkers and superiors…